On our walk back to my place, the sagging Us of power lines and overgrown domes of trees create a canopy across our heads. The bright red drooping buds of flowers speckle the brush on the side of the road, blooming tight against a fence, knocked down by March’s heavy winds and rains.
I know it’s hard, you say, but it just felt like the right time.
You recently fell out of love with your long-term, live-in, partner and broke things off in a (more or less) amicable conversation. Now, you were giving him space to collect his things and find somewhere else to live. A month to be exact, you clarified.
I’ll trust your instinct, I said. But can’t say I relate.
Why’s that?
I’ve never broken up with someone before. And, I don’t think I’ve ever fallen out of love with anyone.
You smirked and dug your feet deep into the loose gravel of the roadside, kicking a rock with all your might, and watching it skip down the hill and disappear.
That can’t be true. You’ve never fallen out of love with anyone? Not even a situationship or a one-night hookup?
I don’t tend to love my hookups, but yeah. I’m not always self-aware, but I am aware enough to know I’m not the type who breaks up.
Too needy?
Co-dependent. So same difference.
But, and you give a nervous chuckle before continuing, you don’t love me any longer?
I suppose you’re right. Though, you being here and staying with me probably means the opposite.
That we’re still in love.
A type of love. A flavor, I say. Not everything needs to be romantic love to succeed.
Over our heads, the sky grows grayer. Peaking through the dotted openings of splotchy green and barren brown, we watch the clouds converge into thick dark patches. You pull me into a side hug, resting your head on my shoulder and picking up the pace to avoid the rain.
NYC
I’m headed to NYC in early June, a much needed vacation after a not-so-perilous year. I’ve been before but it’s been about a decade. Zach’s never been and I’m anxious to get his take of it.
The last time I visited I was newly 21 and traveling on my mother’s dime, a sort-of turning 21 present. Younger then, I spent the day walking from museum to museum or aimlessly wandering the streets without a clear purpose in mind.
I’m trying to recapture some of that energy and purposefully not plan a bunch of things to do or see or visit. I’d like to take the time to do what I want to do: drink, visit a museum, take a walk, buy something I don’t need, sleep in, and watch a show.
Older now, i also have the benefit of money making it possible for me to get slightly better airplane seats and takeoff times and hotel rooms that (god-willing) feel comfortable not just…okay.
If you’ve got any suggestions for fancy/delicious restaurants and bars, or just good places to visit while I’m there let me know. Zach reminded me that we’re going there mostly on weekdays (aside from one sunday) so gay nightlife might not be as glamorous, but we’re still willing to give it a try!