a quick list of things i'm consuming while searching for a new job and going to a lot of interviews

I’m currently looking for a new job, for a lot of reasons but primarily for professional growth. I started off the job search panicked that nobody would want to hire me and spent two-three days anxious and miserable.1 My overplanning led me to apply to a bunch of different jobs and now has catapulted me into a situation where I’ve reached the final interview stage with one company, the middle interview stages with two other companies, and the initial interview stage with a fourth company. So my weeks have been pretty busy, leaving me only to consume content in small bursts as I juggle having a full-time job, interviewing2, and you know having a social life too.3

Here’s what I’ve been consuming:

Presumably Dead Arm by Sidney Gish

There’s something I really like about this song even though the lyrics are sort of…insane. There’s this certain way that Sidney Gish4 has when writing lyrics where they feel like both a stream-of-consciousness ramble but also the most honest and open look at someone’s emotional state possible.

Particularly the lyric:I wanna know your passwordsWithout changing them in PreferencesAnd all the childhood streets and deceased pets they’rereferencingAnd in the box, I’ll typeI’ll know all the numbers to tryI wanna know the lyrics that you think of when you’re high

This form of obsessive love, which you think is normal at the time but really isn’t. Or the idea that you just want to know everything about someone because you just…like them so much.

Honey, you are nothing to meI don’t call people anything that’s thought to be so sweetThe speech is coming back with a vengeance it seemsAnd all these pretend spouses are a happy storybookThat’ll turn to stark nonfiction in the time it tookFor me to notice that I’m old, which means I’ll be 30 and happyLikely married to personified business casual khakisAnd I’ll forget about it when I wake up late and stupid

They sort of scream-sing these lyrics and each time I listen to them I get this big welp in my throat. The sort of thing you get when you know, deep inside of you, is some raw unvarnished truth about yourself that you can’t access but someone else, more artistic and lyrical than you are, is able to capture the exact frequency of the rage and desperation and deep desire you carry.The bit here is “you are nothing to me…I don’t call people anything” but you know they do, or they want to, or they don’t feel anything. I’m not sure it’s just a pretty raw lyric.

Seasons 1 - 2 of Better Call Saul

Look, I don’t want to admit this, but the show is like…fine, it’s good. It’s compelling. I really didn’t want to watch this show because looking back on the Breaking Bad phase America went through just feels embarrassing. Like we were all so dedicated to this story and it was such a cultural touchstone that you can still go to New Mexico5 and take tours of the Breaking Bad scenes or buy rock candy that looks like blue meth. Anyway, it seems exhausting.But it’s good. I was talked into it by my brother, so at least I can blame him for watching it.

The Sandman

I’ve read the complete collection of The Sandman now and have to say, I really enjoyed most of it. It’s already been critically acclaimed for a while, so you don’t need my expertise to tell you to read it. Still, go read it.

Since reading Berserk I’ve been trying to appreciate the actual art in graphic novels, not just the plot or the writing.6 Berserk has this insane attention to detail with these full spread of giant towers or monsters or castle keeps complete with individual pen marks making up the stoneface of a tower or the individual scales of a giant demon or elephant. The Sandman may not be that detailed and intricate, but the art just totally fits the aesthetic of the story. Nothing is fully mapped out, character shift and morph, the colors feel dream-like. It’s really a marvel.

The story is also really good. There are some pretty transphobic and homophobic plot points at the beginning (a lot of characters openly calling a trans woman a man. Multiple times where the ‘gay character’ is a villain who also happens to be a pedophile you know, traditional gay panic stuff) but a lot of that is rectified, sometimes directly, in the final volumes. It’s also clear that Neil Gaiman took that to heart when directing the Netflix show by populating the world with more gay characters and characters of color.

Pumpkin cream cold brew

i really do not care about anyone who loudly complains about pumpkin-spiced drinks. i love my little Starbucks pumpkin cream cold brew you cannot take that from me.

Pictures of my brother’s cute new puppy

My brother got a new puppy with his girlfriend. Her name is Olive (the puppy, not the girlfriend) and she is so precious and is the second dog I’ve ever known that will give a little yelp at me then notice who I am and start shaking violently in pure happiness.7

The Boy, Shannon & the Clams

I found this song by accident years ago and I’ve been hooked ever since. I really haven’t even listened to anything else by the artist, so have no clue if they make other good songs, but the lyric:

I learned how to do better each timeI buried this heart and years went on byBut what do you do when there's nothing inside?Lost in the dirt covered in vines

is just very important to me, a fellow member of the wells-for-sad-boys demographic.